On the next Sunday Strategy Call, I plan to discuss how you can learn from the very people criticizing you.
Date: Sunday, March 31st
Time: 9pm-10pm EST
Phone: (206) 402-0100
Conference ID: 149924#
Nobody enjoys being ridiculed and chastised in public. Could this fear of criticism be holding you back? Have you allowed the opinions of others to negate your own creative expression?
I had the most fascinating experience on Facebook a few days ago. I’m set to host a 3-hour book writing seminar in NYC on Saturday, April 6th. The fee is $20. Well, someone posted my flyer on their FB page and called me a “Fraud” and a “Pimp.”
How would you handle an attack on your credibility? Several of my clients were furious. They were about to attack this guy for speaking out of ignorance. But I told everyone to calm down and just let this process unfold.
You have to read this Facebook conversation at
By the end of the name calling, I now have a new ally. I extended an invitation for him to join Ryan Mack and I when we do our second empowerment tour of Public Housing in NYC. I see my former critic joining me on stage. We will both have a good laugh about how we met.
Here a few quick tips on how to deal with your critic:
1. Stay Calm
Never allow anyone to rob you of your Joy. In the face of conflict, first begin to practice deep breathing. If possible, go for a walk or tell the person you will get back to them. Your emotional state dictates your ability to give a proper response. Allow anger to leave before entering the fray. In martial arts, the person who gets angry will always lose the fight. You are not the Incredible Hulk. In a physical or mental confrontation, anger will slow you down and cloud your thinking.
2. Listen for Higher Intent
Ask yourself, ‘What is this person really trying to say?” “What good are they trying to share?” “What wrong do they want to right?” In my case, my critic wanted to protect first-time writers from frauds. That’s a noble cause that I also pursue. We all have higher intents. Start to listen deeply and you will hear the highest intent even in the most dysfunctional person.
3. Connect with their Experience
Every year thousands of people fall prey to hucksters with “get-quick-rich” schemes. I became a trigger that reminded the critic of past pain and abuse. Nobody can truly speak to you. They can only speak to what you represent in their mind. People often engage in old fights with new people. Respect the other person’s representation of you. Why fight it? It’s NOT you!
4. To Thine Self Be True
I know who I am. I know how I have helped thousands of people around the world. I will NOT be moved. You need to stand your ground. Celebrate your accomplishments – both large and small. Continue to love and serve despite the reaction from others. Just an hour prior to me being called a “Fraud,” I spent 30-minutes on FB giving people free advice on how to improve their website.
5. Seek Support
You are NOT alone. The victory is NOT yours. When your back is against the wall, ask for help! In the Facebook conversation, notice how Ryan Mack, Joy Farrington, Dr. Beckles and others came to my aid. More people admire you than you can ever imagine.
6. Respectfully Disagree
One of my favorite quotes is, “I would rather die a Lion than live like a Lamb.” Don’t start changing or buckling under the onslaught of criticism. Own your authentic voice and USE IT! It’s okay to push back on the critic. I didn’t just fold up and say, “You’re right. I should probably cancel this seminar.” Get in the habit of doing YOU. I’m not here to please or save everyone. Just focus on who you are sent to serve.
7. Learn the Lesson
The critic has a gift for you. They are actually in the blessing business. The only way to unlock the lesson is to ask yourself, “What’s the blessing.” Many people were amazed that I could turn around that situation. I told them to get ready because it’s going to happen to them. In my example, others are learning new ways to deal with criticism. Do you see the blessing?
I hope you can make the call on Sunday at 9pm EST. You can still join the 16 week challenge at http://16weeks.ning.com/
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